Feel The Silence
by Maureen Painted Green
Summary: You lie awake at night with blue eyes that never cry. HouseCameron.


**A/N:** This is a one-shot and theoretically takes place after (spoiler!) Cameron's resignation in the Season 3 finale. The song is "Feel the Silence" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

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Twelve days. It had been twelve long dayssince she'd announced her resignation. Three days since she'd cleared all her things out of the conference room. Twelve days since she'd made him coffee or sorted his mail. Twelve days since he'd seen her small frame wrapped up in her labcoat, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail.

Twelve days of moping around his empty office, refusing Cuddy's demands that he hire a new fellow to replace her. Twelve days of yelling at whoever was foolish to talk to him, of eating way too little.

He was home now, laying on his empty bed, inside his empty house. He stared at the ceiling, having long ago given up on falling asleep. Since she'd left, he had developed the world's worst case of insomnia. Twelve days, he smiled grimly, in which he probably hadn't slept more than a total twelve hours

_You lie awake at night_

_With blue eyes that never cry_

_All you remember now_

_Is what you feel_

A few hours later, House had given up on even attempting to sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed with the phone in his hands. He dialed and pressed the cordless receiver to his ear.

"House?" Wilson inquired sleepily. No one else ever called him this late.

"I can't sleep." House declared.

"Oookay." Wilson sighed, climbing out of bed. This was going to be a long one. He seated himself in his most comfortable chair before beginning. "Why can't you sleep."

"Cuddy says if I don't hire a new fellow by Friday, she will."

"And you don't want to because..."

"They're all idiots."

"And they're not Cameron." Silence greeted Wilson's statement. "Fine. I see you're not going to talk, so I will. You like Cameron. You might even have the potential to love her, if you stopped being an ass and worrying only about protecting yourself. She left because she's tired. She cares a hell of a lot about you. She sees you, even through all the walls you put up to make sure that no one does. She understands you, and in all honesty, she's just as messed up as you. You say she only likes you because she wants to fix you, but you know that's crap. You just can't face the fact that she likes you because you're you. She doesn't want you to change, House. She just wants you."

"Was there a point in there somewhere?"

"The point is, go ask her to come back. You already convinced Chase and Foreman, without even dipping into the pay raise that Cuddy said you could offer. You're going to be miserable until she comes back, and you know that she will if you ask her."

"Yeah right. I knew you lived in a fantasy world, Jimmy, but that's unrealistic even for you."

"Okay, let me rephrase that. She'll come back if you finally let her see why you want, and I suspect, may even need her to."

"You want me to talk to Cameron about feelings? Are you on speed again, or are you just too asleep to function?"

"It's your choice, House. Let someone in now or spend the rest of your life wishing you had the balls to."

_The truth remains_

_In midnight conversations_

_I asked for this moment_

_But you turned away_

The next day was a day of hiding for House. He sat under his desk with his GameBoy and

his iPod, invisible to all passerby. It was an effective way of hiding from Wilson and Cuddy, but it had the added advantage of hiding him from the world too. The only thing it wasn't helping with was hiding from himself. Wilson's words from that late-night phone call still tormented him, forcing him to think and to face some things that he'd managed to avoid dealing with for a long time.

It was true, he realized, that Cameron didn't want to fix him. This was the revelation that caused him to worry. If that was true, was all the rest true as well? Would he really spend the rest of his life regretting this decision? Would she really come back if he asked her to? He had told himself that it would never work, that he was too damaged to ever have her, but he knew she was damaged too.

_Sad like a lonely child_

_Broken the day you're born_

_I held the light to you_

_But I was afraid_

She had tried. Heaven knows she had tried every trick under the sun to make him want

her. She'd stood up to him, opened up to him, she'd blackmailed him into a date, she'd even slept with Chase to make him jealous, but nothing had worked. She'd given it everything she had and nothing had changed. And she was tired. Tired of wanting him so much, and having him constantly out of reach. Tired of trying so hard, tired of crying herself to sleep over him. She was sick of thinking about him, and exhausted from trying so hard to win his approval. Finally, she'd just given up. He had won. He didn't love her, and she'd never love anyone else again.

_And you remain_

_A promise unfulfilled_

_I ask you for more_

_But you push me away_

The conclusion to the battle within him came late at night. He'd tossed and turned for hours, trying to hide from admitting it to himself, but it was inevitable. He needed her. He had no idea why, but he couldn't hide from it anymore. Brilliance had its costs, and one of them was that he would figure out everything eventually, even his very complicated relationship with his former subordinate.

_And if we feel the silence_

_Holding this all inside_

_Everything means more now than_

_Words could explain_

_And if we feel the silence_

_Holding this all inside us_

_Looking for something more to say_

He'd never been Mister Romance. Never been the guy with the chocolate on Valentine's

Day. He'd never be caught dead riding in on his faithful steed to save the girl. He didn't come with a thousand yellow daisies and a lifetime guarantee. He had no idea what he was doing when it came to romance, but he decided he'd have to give it a shot.

_I don't know where I'm going_

_Only know where I been_

_But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind_

_We've been so lost for so long_

_I don't know how to get back again_

It was Thursday night. Tomorrow, Cuddy would hire someone for him, whether he liked it or not. _It's now or never. _He realized. He laid down on his bed, the bottle of scotch beside him for company, and let himself succumb to bitterness of a lifetime alone.

_And we're drowning in the water_

_That flows under this bridge_

_When you're fighting the current_

_You forget how to live_

_And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin_

It was late that night when Cameron awoke suddenly. There was a knock on the door and she dragged herself out of bed and went to go see who could possibly be there this late at night. She was surprised to find House standing there, dripping wet from the pouring rain that had started around ten.

"Come on in." She invited, unquestioningly. He limped through the door and stood next to her kitchen chairs, dripping water all over the floor. She crossed her arms and stared at him, prepared to wait as long as it took for him to explain himself.

At first, he said nothing and sat there, staring straight back at her. A few years ago, his intense gaze would have been too much and she would have looked away after only a few seconds. Now, she managed to return it just as steadily. He realized that she wasn't going to speak until he did.

"Come back." He told her softly, still looking straight into her eyes.

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, Cuddy hires someone for me, and I personally don't want to train another idiot to be my loyal servant."

"Not good enough." Cameron told him. "If you want me to come back, you're going to have to give me a hell of a lot better explanation than that. You didn't come all the way out here at 2 in the morning to tell me "Come back, because I'm too lazy to train someone new". Until you give me a good reason, the answer is no." He broke the staring contest and looked down at his hands. At the floor. At her faded leather couch and the DVDs on the coffee table. At anything but her. He didn't speak for the longest time, and when he finally did, it was barely a whisper.

"I need you." He finally looked up again, and when his eyes met hers, she could see that he was telling the truth. For the first time since they'd met, he was letting her see him. She took a step forward, placing her hands on his face and softly kissing him. He responded and held her, his long arms wrapping securely around her waist. The kiss was short, and when it was over, she stood on her tip-toes to whisper into his ear.

"Okay."

_And you remain_

_A promise unfulfilled until today_

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" She asked him after a little more talking and a lot more kissing.

"Here?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"With all of your clothes on." She clarified. "It's late and wet, and you shouldn't be driving." He nodded his appreciation and followed her to the bedroom.

It should have been awkward climbing into her bed with her. He should have felt strange wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. At the very least, he should have felt the need to down several Vicodin to keep her from triggering the pain in his leg, should she move in her sleep. Somehow, he didn't feel any of these things. Her bed felt comfortable, and he didn't feel like a sap for wanting to hold her in his arms until the end of time. His leg didn't hurt anywhere near as badly as it usually did. For the first time in so long, Greg House was finally at peace.

_And if we feel the silence_

_Holding this all inside_

_Everything means more now than_

_Words could explain_

_And if we feel the silence_

_Leaving this all behind us_

_When it's gone what will you say_

Many years later, he would find himself holding her the same way as he had that first night, staring at her beautiful face as she slept in his arms. The fact that she was his made him happier than he ever thought he had the capacity to be. He was still cynical and sarcastic, crippled and drug-addicted, but he wasn't cruel anymore. Sometimes, he did things for her that bordered on sweet, and though she smiled at them, she never felt the need to mention them. His Vicodin use had decreased and he spent a lot less nights all alone with his scotch. He lie awake as all of these thoughts raced through his mind, and when he looked back at the sleeping woman beside him, he held her just a little bit tighter in his arms. He'd been right to need her.

_You lie awake at night_

_With blue eyes that never cry _


End file.
